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Everything you always wanted to know about
Judaism, but were too afraid to ask!
New questions and answers will be added to
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Questions about Barmitzvahs
and Batmitzvahs, in no particular order.
All
my friends are having huge batmitzvah celebrations
– on the scale of barmitzvahs or even weddings
– and it seems as though they are just
all trying to out-do each other. I would prefer
something smaller and more intimate. Do I have
to have a huge do or can I just have a small
party? Also I’m a bit worried about giving
a dvar torah in shul – is this strictly
necessary?
The first point to make is that the Bat Mitzvah
occurs naturally and organically. So that when
you turn twelve you are automatically “a
daughter of the commandments” and have
gained Jewish responsibility as well as adult
status. Anything else on top of this is an extra.
So the party and, even the Dvar Torah, are in
fact add-ons. Incidentally, the same is true
for a boy in regard to his Bar Mitzvah –
which is also a natural occurrence and does
not strictly require that he “perform”
on the day.
Having said all that, it is very special if
you work on your own Dvar Torah and are able
to share this with friends and family - whether
in shul or elsewhere. The main point is that
Bat Mitzvah is a spiritual event and should
not be cause of anxiety or trepidation,
Finally - just a small comment on the huge
celebrations that you describe. Yes, these have
become a very noticeable phenomenon in our community
but they should not be allowed to detract from
the real celebration which has nothing to do
with the number of guests or the size of the
venue. I would encourage you to tailor your
Bat Mitzvah to your own requirements and ensure
that you celebrate a “simcha of the soul”.
RL
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I am
approaching my 83rd birthday and would like
to know what is involved in a second barmitzvah?
The custom of celebrating one’s second
Bar Mitzvah upon becoming 83 years of age by
being called up to the Torah, involves just
that – no party or further rite of passage
is really involved. The origin of this practice
derives from the fact that the Psalmist refers
to our years on earth as normally being 70.
When one is fortunate enough to live 13 years
beyond this span, it is indeed cause both for
celebration and thanksgiving - and, indeed,
for public acknowledgement.
Please G-d, you should be healthy and live long
so that you can look forward to “a third
Bar Mitzvah”! RL
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How
much leining does a barmitzvah boy have to do
– what’s the minimum amount I can
get away with?
As you will have read in my answer to Rachel
above, one must always remember that the essential
Bar Mitzvah is a spiritual event. It is not
a question of how much you can get away with
but rather what represents a suitable target
for you which will provide a sense of accomplishment
and satisfaction, as well as demonstrate your
commitment to the Torah. Technically, you need
do no laining at all and can just be called
up. But the norm is to try at least to read
the Maftir (i.e. the last call-up and final
section of the Sidra) with or without the Haftarah.
The trick is to start preparing early, but also
not to lose focus on the real reasons why you
are going through this ceremony. Good luck!
RL
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How
would a deaf or blind child go about reading
from the Torah on his barmitzvah?
lthough there can be halachic issues in regard
to reading certain Torah portions on behalf
of others, there is absolutely no reason why
such a child should not be taught an appropriate
Barmitzvah portion just like anyone else. One
of the reasons that we add on the extra Maftir
call-up is precisely because everyone is eligible
to read this particular final portion.
On a very different tack, it is critical to
show as much support as possible to a child
with these challenges - as well as to the family.
Clearly, it is a mitzvah not to differentiate
such an individual and to do everything possible
to boost their self-esteem and sense of achievement
for such a triumph. RL
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