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Everything you always wanted to know about Judaism,
but were too afraid to ask!
New questions and answers will be added to this page
on a regular basis, so please remember to return here.
Have your Halacha questions answered. (Use the link
below to ask your own questions. Please state if you
would like a personal reply and ensure you include your
email address.)
Please note that previous questions answered
by Rabbi Livingstone are suffixed by
RL. New questions answered by Rabbi
Anthony are suffixed by RA.
Email
to your new questions to Rabbi Anthony
Questions about Judaism,
in no particular order.
I wore a red
dress to a (religious) wedding the other night, and
was shocked to be taken aside by a guest and told that
it was not an appropriate colour for a Jewish woman
to wear. It was fully tzniut - high-necked, long-sleeved
and to the knee so I was really surprised to be told
it was not suitable attire. What is the reasoning behind
this?
I am sure that in every other sense this dress
was very modest - but according to the Talmud
a bright solid colour [red is the very example
given] still invites everyone to look and pay
attention and therefore falls short of the high
ideals of tzniut modesty. More than this, red
is considered to be particularly sexually provocative
as it captures and stimulates the imagination
in a very specific way. RL
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If
you are in a shomer negia relationship, how
do you know if you will be sexually compatible
once you're married?
The short answer is - you don't! But equally,
even if there is initial physical compatibility
driven by lust, this can quickly and easily
wear off and leave behind a very deficient relationship
with the couple really having nothing much else
in common. Judaism emphasises friendship, spiritual
compatibility, and common values above all else.
The truth is that if the couple have these ingredients
and are committed strongly to each other - then
the chief dimensions for a good union - physical
and spiritual - are truly in place. Minor further
issues [which exist in every relationship] can
overwhelmingly be resolved with love along the
way. RL
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How does fasting
remind us of what happened on Tisha B'Av - if anything
it makes it harder as we feel ill and uncomfortable
and end up sleeping so can't remember what happened
on this day - would it not be easier to allow us to
eat and mourn/remember at the same time?
Fasting, like nothing else, reminds us of our
human frailty and the finite quality of life.
It also imposes a sense of discomfort and pain
that gives us an instant solidarity with those
who have endured terrible tragedy and privation
- both historically and in the present. It is
therefore the most potent medium toward achieving
the depth of feeling Tisha B'Av requires. RL
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What's
the Jewish view of ghosts - do we believe in
them?
We don't believe in ghosts of the 'popular'
variety. There is, however, a strong Jewish
basis for the idea of spiritual entities that
may from time to time evidence themselves in
this world. An example of this is the belief
that an aura of departed souls may attach to
places occupied by them either in life or after
their passing - and we may also pick up their
communications in dreams. We believe further
that angelic beings may occasionally reveal
themselves on earth.
On a slightly different track, The Talmud speaks
in several places of demonic ghouls called Sheidim
that frequent the world from time to time. The
problem, however, with these sources is that
they have to be taken with a certain pinch of
salt because major commentators such as Maimonides
reject the idea that such beings actually ever
existed, and interpret the Talmudic passages
strictly metaphorically. RL
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I am
baalat teshuvah and have recently become engaged
to my fiancé (who is also bal teshuvah).
However some years ago I had a non-Jewish partner
(boyfriend only, no children came of the relationship)
who I had intimate relations with, and my fiancee
is a Cohen. I know that cohanim are not allowed
to marry converts, divorcees and zonah. Am I
permitted to marry him? Will he and our children
(please God) still be cohanim? Obviously this
is causing me great concern and anxiety and
I would appreciate your advice.
I certainly appreciate your anxiety, particularly
as you are already engaged and need a timely
answer. As you indicate in your question, Cohanim
are restricted in terms of whom they can marry
and the situation you describe might be problematic.
But in reality determining such a delicate decision
depends on quite a number of further specific
personal details regarding the past and present
situations that cannot be dealt with in broad
brush fashion in this column. Its also worth
mentioning that quite apart from your own background,
according to many authorities, the status of
today's Cohanim cannot be regarded as a certainty
and this calculation will also need to be added
into the mix. This is all I am prepared to say
in a public forum but please feel free to contact
me through my email link at the top of this
page. RL
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Speaking
amongst friends I heard it is better to have
a biblical name. Is this so and if yes, why?
I have an English name and a Yiddish one, the
only difference between these two names is one
letter. Also, I feel I would like to be more
spiritual. However, I prefer not to be called
by my Yiddish name. Would you suggest I change
my name or to add on a second one would suffice?
If I do have a change to my name how would I
need to go about it?
It is a very longstanding practice among Jews to have
a Shem Kodesh; a Hebrew name which serves as one's Jewish
and spiritual identity. It is not strictly necessary
that this name be biblical; in fact, the use of Yiddish
names instead of Hebrew ones has become very widespread
among Ashkenazi Jews and, therefore, these are regarded
as equally acceptable. So I am not sure that there is
any need for you to change your name - particularly
as it is very nice to have a Jewish name that is nearly
identical to one's English name! At the same time, what
some people do is to find out the Hebrew equivalent
for one's Yiddish name which can then be substituted
or even added to the Yiddish original without this being
considered a full change of name - as it is merely the
Hebrew version. An example of this would be Shoshana
or Vered/Varda instead of the Yiddish 'Rosa' (Rose in
English).
Finally, it is worth mentioning the very strong
mystical belief that the name given by parents
to a baby is divinely inspired and should only
be changed if absolutely necessary and, even
then, with some degree of careful thought after
taking good advice. RL
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Recently, a
friend of mine discovered that despite living almost
thirty years as a Jew, his mother was not actually Jewish.
Aside from the shock of this discovery, it has resulted
in him questioning what to do. Among the many questions
that he has is whether or not he should now undertake
a conversion in order to reinstate his Halachic Jewish
identity. I am not sure what to tell him. Is it really
necessary for him to do this and why should he be Jewish
if he can be a perfectly good person as he is?
I empathize greatly with you friend’s
predicament and applaud your very noble desire
to support him. In truth, the question “Why
be Jewish?” is one that we should all ask
ourselves from time to time in order to live
spiritually in the most meaningful possible
way. Otherwise one tends to drift by taking
one’s heritage utterly for granted.
In terms of your friend, I suspect that his
crisis is on several different levels.
Firstly, he is contending with the emotional
and even social upheaval that comes with a critical
change of identity. He may be angry at not having
been told of this state of affairs which has
exposed him rather late in life to major torment.
Secondly, he may now be experiencing a sense
of spiritual confusion and displacement in terms
of how to direct his religious life going forward.
It is absolutely true that he does not need
to be Jewish in order to live a good life –
quite the opposite – there are huge challenges
in Judaism. Normally, for this and many other
reasons, we do not encourage conversion. However,
in your friend’s instance, I think he will
be experiencing a huge sense of loss and may
need to do something to fill that void. I suspect
also that the Beth Din would view his case in
a particularly sensitive way because of its
uniqueness and the fact that he has always lived
as a Jew.
My advice would be to recommend a detox period
where he can catch his breath and reflect on
what’s happened and possibly also seek
some spiritual and counselling support. After
this, if he feels sufficient clarity, he should
then approach the Beth Din in order to put the
situation right. RL
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I must
confess that I enjoy my annual flutter on the
Grand National but I
know there were some concerns over the recent
announcement about a super
casino to be created in the UK. Where does Judaism
stand on gambling?
Generally speaking, the Rabbis were very concerned
about the social and moral baggage that tends
to come with a gambling culture. That said,
low value and recreational forms of betting,
such as playing the lottery or the occasional
flutter on horseracing, can be allowed. The
problem with Las Vegas-style super casinos is
not merely around the very real Halachic issues
concerning various hardcore forms of gaming,
but also in terms of the social damage that
invariably occurs - no matter what the politicians
may say. So do continue to enjoy the Grand National
– but be careful not to stretch the odds
too far! RL
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What
is the Jewish view of heaven and hell?
Famously, Rabbi Nachman of Breslev once remarked
that heaven and hell can be found in this life.
He was trying to discourage the tendency among
his followers of becoming obsessed with these
other worldly ideas. Instead, one should place
the greatest emphasis on living a good life
in the here and now rather than getting stuck
on what comes next. Perhaps he was also saying
that, if we treat the ups and downs of our regular
lives as being like a bit of heaven or a bit
of hell, we can gain an appreciation of what
these feel like as well as an instinct around
what, spiritually, pushes us in one direction
or another.
Having said all that, and despite the many
views on the matter, the central vein of thought
in Judaism doesn’t punish or reward for
its own sake but rather somehow in order to
refine our souls and, ultimately – whether
we understand it or not – bring us closer
to the Divine. RL
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My best friend
has recently become very religious and no longer eats
out in non-kosher restaurants, has any physical contact
with the opposite sex or watches television on Shabbat.
We used to be very similar but I can’t help feeling
that we’re drifting apart, and that her religious
beliefs are the main cause of this. What can I do to
put this right?
You hit the nail on the head when you said that you
used to be very similar. Obviously, your friend
has changed profoundly by taking on these observances
and, thereby, espousing a new set of values
and priorities. So, to my mind, this would naturally
have the potential to alter any relationship
built on common interests. Judaism, when taken
as seriously as your friend seems to be doing,
is an all encompassing lifestyle. That said,
it should not be used as an excuse to damage
longstanding and important relationships - whether
of family or friends. My guess is that your
friend is probably in the first flush of religious
Judaism when it is often very challenging to
find a new equilibrium. My advice would be to
talk openly about your concerns for the relationship,
thereby conveying how important it is to you
and offering your friend valuable honest feedback
which she may herself appreciate. RL
Good luck!
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The Ten Commandments
tell us that we must not covet our neighbour's
possessions. At the same time, we are told that God
is a jealous god. If God
can be jealous, why can't we?
We are getting mixed up on semantics here! When the
Torah says that G-d is jealous, (in the Hebrew
- Kanah - correctly translated as ‘zealous’),
it means that He will stand by His commands
and punish us if we ignore them. This has absolutely
nothing to do with the common idea of being
jealous or with coveting as referred to in the
Ten Commandments – these are very different
concepts emanating from completely difference
Hebrew words. So the Almighty is not really
jealous at all but simply insists that we respect
his Commandments. RL
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Do pets go
to heaven?
Very interesting question! While Judaism believes that
the human soul [Neshama] is the most distinctive and
evolved – animals do indeed have a soul/spirit
of their own [Nefesh]. But I suspect that the real point
is to consider here is whether animals have free choice
to make spiritual decisions which deserve eternal recognition
in the form of heaven – or not. Jewish tradition
holds that only humans have that unique capacity –
notwithstanding that animals can often exhibit extraordinary
instinctive and learned traits.
But that is not entirely the end of it. Jewish Kabbala
strongly believes in re-incarnation and suggests
that the human soul may return in different
species and guises. If that is the case then
an animal may, at some level, have an affinity
to the journey of a human soul – in which
event perhaps there may well be an ultimate
heaven for that spirit. RL
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We
are told that God created Adam and Eve. Are
we to literally believe that he created just
one man and one woman or do Adam and Eve represent
mankind and womankind? If we are to accept that
they were created as single human beings, is
it possible that God then went on to create
other human beings as well, who weren't necessarily
mentioned in the bible? Otherwise there seems
to be a lot of incestuous relationships
going on.
The Creation Saga in the Torah is not necessarily the
complete historical story. There are many traditional
sources which augment the scriptural version as we have
it with a lot of further detail. For instance, there
is a debate around whether the seven days mentioned
in Genesis are exactly that – or whether perhaps
each day represents a longer epoch.
On the question of Adam and Eve, there does seem to
be a broad consensus that these were the first humans.
At the same time, there must have been many other human
beings not mentioned in the reports of subsequent generations.
On the point regarding incest, if indeed we are all
descended from one couple, then early-on there
must have been considerable family in-breeding
– which only later became forbidden. But
if you take that logic too far then the entire
human family are technically still related and
every relationship is with some form of kin!
RL
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